Things start to fall into place...

*Well, today, the 2nd day, things just starting to fall into place itself.. so naturally, perhaps he have give it a thought. :) so, I'm very happy* We went for nice food at Setapak, Tin Tin. They have good Yin Yang and nice Curry Pork Rice. Somehow, I'm still not confident to get marry yet. I have this little thought of having a nice happy family, where I have a nice landed house, 2 cars, a Car for my future hubby and the other car for me, having a german shepard dog & a little puppy toy dog, have a maid, go travel twice a year to oversea, 2 times on local trip, once a week go out for dinner, once a week go out for grocerries, once a week go for a family outing, Have 4 children *mind.. Am i greedy or what? ! Can take care ah? then married young loh, but where is my future hubby?* Can go for KFC once a while, hehe, go for buffet & Japanese food once in 3 months, Have time to go to gym *do my fav Yoga, gym & sweat a lot, Be a pretty wife for him*, have time to think of creative ideas to flirt with him or buy gifts for him, or things to talk to him. Make him a happy for having this wife, appreciate him and having him to love me and care for me like I always wanted to be. Having a moderate lifestye, hmm..i guess all this will take me with the earning of..more than 10 k a month yea... Work hard..Work hard.

How to mend a relationship? or when withdrawal or distant started to happen on me or on him?

The situation that I'm facing currently, not willing to talk about money or future plan, silent when stress, or coming back from work. Choose to ignore me on question and answers on work, choose to ignore the problems that's arise between us or me.... withdraw from me. I dun feel like seeing him dissapointed and frust because feel he is stupidhe get scolded from me a0ll the time, but why he lie, coz he is scared that i ll scold him? so, listen to him? and just give comment?Rather than stopping him from doing the things that I think is not right or wise? Saying things like, if i were u, i wouldn't do that. Don't get angry easily. Be more confident with urself. Approach back the situation in a calm way, wait for him to get ready to come back to me. Wait for him to gain back his confidence with me, I like if he organized better and know more on what he is doing, Me, stop complaining but give comments more, give face, respect him, so that he would respect me back, Saying things or pointing out that Im doing this so that, I have chance or expect to accept it back from him on the total respect. he said I should stop work rather that he think is better to stop work, he felt useless for not being able to give me any help or booost of security. How to help in this situation...told him i could accept the truth if we work this out together, I need his help and honesty, and alertness rather than keeping me in a distant. but do working things out better works for him? It does't. So, I have to stop being the Ms. fix-It-All, it helps when we enjoy our relationship, live a life with him. So, what if I'm willing to give in and enjoy my life with him, make use of what we have currently and live and enjoy our relationship, I can get feedback and response back from him by saying things like im so sad, i don't know what to do...when is the good time...?

Tears

Today, I cried.. really hard to keep the feeling from her, on how sad & dissapointed my heart is. I have swore to myself that I would never let the guy that say He loves me make me cry. But somehow, he hurts me indirectly. Hard to explain, hard to describe.. Could it be we are not compatible? They have advised me to look out for others when I'm young, but don't give up on nurturing him into the man you want and don't waste your 2 years relationship with him. He is not bad, he is not nasty, but he lie & not organized? Is he not mature? There's so much I can weight on...He don't lie to me about girls, but he lies to me about things that he had make mistake on or things that he knew will get into trouble with me, or things to protect himself? Could I say he loves himself more than he loves me? We can see alot of things from different point of view. I was told his act was selfish.
Am I being bullied indirectly? What makes my tears flowing down when I'm typing this....
what....why? Am I being emotional because my PMS coming? I don't think so, I have been facing this problems since few months ago. This is the first time i cried because of him. My heart sunk..
I need to find someone that's more mature.

1. Medcine- din take care of me (maybe still young,don't how to do, go and tell mum that i need the vitamins for my sickness, infact he promisse my mum that he would buy for us, its FOC, but he didn't do it at all)
2. Break promises(always say something he think of, but can't do in short period perhaps never) 3. Never on time (late to see friends, late for dinner, late for dating)
4. Lie (to protect himself, and make himself sounds better)
5. Not organized (interms of life & money)
6. Spendthrift (Could buy a HOnday city but accidents happen 3 times within 8 months, always go out with friends)
7. Communication problem (we are having this communication problem, coz he never have time, or else he will end up coming to see me with his red eyes)
8. Don't like sms or phone (Told me that as general, most of his guys friends don't like to sms or talk to phone on long term but would prefer seeing each other more than talking on phone)
9. Money problem (spend without thinking)
10. No action taken (on life crisis, or lame management of life)
11. Drive carelessly (Hobbies-accidents, and drive carelessly and spoilt the engine)
12. Doesn't know how to take care of me (in terms of food or knowing human's body or even girl's problems, no medication ever given to me)

i HATE U I HATE U I HATE U

Perhaps im not looking into a bf, im looking for husband. 32 years old husband.
First of all, I need to address all this to him, Giving him 2 second chance, my due date is March 2007. That would be 3 years old.
Second, I need to get out more with more guys.

Cut my hand

I accidentally cut my hand today, its a small cut, but deep. Imagine a Half Cm only but deep half cm cut on ur hand. How do you feel? oh... of course, i was shouting *Horrifying!!* for help. "Arggh, I cut myself" My sister jalan lengang lengok *as-in-how-bad-could-that-be-walking, killing me in pain* from the couch watching her Astro series came over & see me. Fang song ur hand, Fang Song, dun be so stiff, wah Lau, i dunno how to tell her that its painful but it feels better doing like that [being stiff], coz if i move my fingers fang song, the wound open and bleed non stop. but anyway, she saw the fleshy red meat...Wonder if any of my main blood vessels is cut..well, we just keep calm and stop the bleeding, soon, we just get and handyplast and stick it on. Wonder how many days will it take to recover... Arghh..i want to cry, I can't do anything or cook anything these few days. hmm.. Imagine holding the tooth paste with one hand and trying to squeeze it out with one hand, then use the only one hand to get ur tooth brush and sapu the whole thing out. In situation like this, I have a sudden respect for the handicapped ppl.

My best friend, Vincent, asked me to blog, about anything that I would like to talk about. I have decided to blog on the things that comes into my mind and inspired me as time goes along. Me a blogger? hmm, lets see whether I can do this & we will see what I can come up with. yea..? So, stay with me.