This time is different
Well, he went to Hong Kong for job, and its for 2 months. He asked me to go with him. I have applied leave, just waiting for him to buy the air ticket.
Lotsa things happened since last time, well, As i have said March 2007, is my due for everything. Even promising myself to break off with him since then.
Welll, we actually went to Bali and we had a great fight. & of course, things happen this way because, i have been holding to my grudge for too long. & he has forgotten the need to have our own time to talk. You know, those "our" talk "our" time. Every weekend , was merely about hanging out with his friends, well, i was with them too. Which actually, i honestly dont feel too good about it. Holding my grudge still. Well, since qi gong, since my work,since everything... i kinda has been keeping all this to throw at him once and for all. Making his life miserable and the Bali trip miserable for all and how he has treated me. But, after the whole hoo haa of argument and discussion back in Bali, with A & A. It really is a break through for me to bring out all his bad points to him at his face! Which he felt it like a horrible bomb, & admit it like nobody business. He doesn't realised, what is the mistake of being late, and breaking promises. A&A has actually help me to realise my mistake as well.
No.1: Trying not to have disagreement is actually not a good thing also.
No.2: Trying to avoid talking because scared of argument is also not right.
No.3: Guide and know what it needs to be done.
His Mistake:
No.1: Has ignore me when i needed him the most
No.2:Being late and making me embarassed
No.3:Planning is very important, he should be doing it.
Upon all these, I really appreciate the door that they have actually opened up for me. I have been too shallow. At least, I have somone to talk to & to complain to..I felt like crying... Unlike that stupid E's wife, which totally a bitch. Now, i know why she could fxxx one person after another in her past.. She is badly inconsiderate and spoilt!
When were at Bali, he was in a low mood. Not having my cuddling him of course.. and also have fun and spend precious time with him. & I had my time too. I push away his hand. i push away everything...He felt it hurt.. & so was I at that time, my heart just feel that he is not the one. I can't stand him at alL!!!. which the Truth that happen is... he was right, the wound that i had is still there. & because things has happen & it doesn't feels right, I ended up going against almost everything! I become rebellious.. and hatred towards things.
After we came back, at the air port, He wanna hld my hand, but i feel frustrasted, mentally and emotionally tired. As usual, i push away. That night, he still sends me a very sweet sms. I'm trully touched, but my heart was like a stone, I actually break down tired mentally and emotionally. I can't just do things well & right! well, some books just said.. how can we always wanna talk the right way, do the right things, and just got the mood to do it that way. What if it just at that moment, it just break off the negative effects of emotional stresss and fatigueness.
This really happens to me..... sad to say.. Im weak afterall.
The 1st week, was like a rest week and a total disaster, rebelious week..
I was just sleeping, ..but still hoping there's a light somewhere.
I was thiking if i can't stand him for 10 min, how can i stand him for 10 years!..
Even being away from him, that first 3 days, was like a relief for me...
But when he has left, a lot of things changed and happened. To my realisation, I was quite dependent & there's flaws in the relationship. Something is handle wrongly..i started to think a lot..Starting to break down into tears... and heart broken..
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do things.. My tears just flows down like water... in office, in the car,at home. When mum is at home, i barely talk to her, or eat her food. I always went downstaris to take a walk, hope to feel better, hope to see him downstairs, when i'm at the yaoyao.
Whatever message that he sent me or sms me, is just like a piece of shit to me that time. i told him , do you think at this time, this relationship can be save??! i tried to find ways to lift myself up. I tried to write down things, why he is useless, what i need to do for myself. I tried to recall.. everything that happen. & thinking deep and long. Bought alot of books, spending like hundreds on relationship books. I read & read & read... for the 2 weeks. I went from not eating, not talking to sick cat. I was sick...cough badly..which i fely really happy to be sick..at least I have a reason not to live to this stage here. But then, as time pass by, i realise my heart becoming weaker, then i started to practice qi gong. I back off from all my family members. I only wanna go back to Segamat. I miss him so badly. That i drove to his house, and watched his car for half and hour. & go to temply every week, to pray and ask if our relationship will work if i just give him another chance.
First week, it said, not compatible, leave the relationship. I was stunt , dunno to be happy with my decision or cry badly that its goign to end.work as usual..How can I work if all of them are his friends.. Its so difficult for me to get up.
2nd week, it said, i'm into drinks , & alchohols to forget my past. if there's fate, we will be together again. Its not good , to go into it right now..
Well,, up to a certain point, I really don't know what is fate. I was thinking i miss him... & need him. I love him. Up to one day, i realise that I can do things differently, i had the wrong steps, & it was horrible. Hope to get things right again.and see how this goes...
We went for BBQ then clubbing that night. Things happen like never before. Love is in the air..
Crazy....night..unbelieveable night.. speechless.. He asked me not to speak.. Let us work out this together again.. dun put pressure into this.. ya
Eventually, we started to talk things out, he admit that we haven't got our own time for some time. and I admit that when i was mentally tired, i really can't be force... I need him to calm me down. He understood that now... & I'm not that lenient on things anymore. & eventually, stop discussing my relationship with my sisters, because i think that i'm in this, nobody will understand better than me. Just wanna reassure tthem, that im fine... of course, mum and sis saw me broke down..so badly.. which is a totally mess. I hope things will get better for everyone. Love everyone... Night.
He is in Hong Kong now, I felt the feeling that he had. I understand how he misses me...now..
Lotsa things happened since last time, well, As i have said March 2007, is my due for everything. Even promising myself to break off with him since then.
Welll, we actually went to Bali and we had a great fight. & of course, things happen this way because, i have been holding to my grudge for too long. & he has forgotten the need to have our own time to talk. You know, those "our" talk "our" time. Every weekend , was merely about hanging out with his friends, well, i was with them too. Which actually, i honestly dont feel too good about it. Holding my grudge still. Well, since qi gong, since my work,since everything... i kinda has been keeping all this to throw at him once and for all. Making his life miserable and the Bali trip miserable for all and how he has treated me. But, after the whole hoo haa of argument and discussion back in Bali, with A & A. It really is a break through for me to bring out all his bad points to him at his face! Which he felt it like a horrible bomb, & admit it like nobody business. He doesn't realised, what is the mistake of being late, and breaking promises. A&A has actually help me to realise my mistake as well.
No.1: Trying not to have disagreement is actually not a good thing also.
No.2: Trying to avoid talking because scared of argument is also not right.
No.3: Guide and know what it needs to be done.
His Mistake:
No.1: Has ignore me when i needed him the most
No.2:Being late and making me embarassed
No.3:Planning is very important, he should be doing it.
Upon all these, I really appreciate the door that they have actually opened up for me. I have been too shallow. At least, I have somone to talk to & to complain to..I felt like crying... Unlike that stupid E's wife, which totally a bitch. Now, i know why she could fxxx one person after another in her past.. She is badly inconsiderate and spoilt!
When were at Bali, he was in a low mood. Not having my cuddling him of course.. and also have fun and spend precious time with him. & I had my time too. I push away his hand. i push away everything...He felt it hurt.. & so was I at that time, my heart just feel that he is not the one. I can't stand him at alL!!!. which the Truth that happen is... he was right, the wound that i had is still there. & because things has happen & it doesn't feels right, I ended up going against almost everything! I become rebellious.. and hatred towards things.
After we came back, at the air port, He wanna hld my hand, but i feel frustrasted, mentally and emotionally tired. As usual, i push away. That night, he still sends me a very sweet sms. I'm trully touched, but my heart was like a stone, I actually break down tired mentally and emotionally. I can't just do things well & right! well, some books just said.. how can we always wanna talk the right way, do the right things, and just got the mood to do it that way. What if it just at that moment, it just break off the negative effects of emotional stresss and fatigueness.
This really happens to me..... sad to say.. Im weak afterall.
The 1st week, was like a rest week and a total disaster, rebelious week..
I was just sleeping, ..but still hoping there's a light somewhere.
I was thiking if i can't stand him for 10 min, how can i stand him for 10 years!..
Even being away from him, that first 3 days, was like a relief for me...
But when he has left, a lot of things changed and happened. To my realisation, I was quite dependent & there's flaws in the relationship. Something is handle wrongly..i started to think a lot..Starting to break down into tears... and heart broken..
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do things.. My tears just flows down like water... in office, in the car,at home. When mum is at home, i barely talk to her, or eat her food. I always went downstaris to take a walk, hope to feel better, hope to see him downstairs, when i'm at the yaoyao.
Whatever message that he sent me or sms me, is just like a piece of shit to me that time. i told him , do you think at this time, this relationship can be save??! i tried to find ways to lift myself up. I tried to write down things, why he is useless, what i need to do for myself. I tried to recall.. everything that happen. & thinking deep and long. Bought alot of books, spending like hundreds on relationship books. I read & read & read... for the 2 weeks. I went from not eating, not talking to sick cat. I was sick...cough badly..which i fely really happy to be sick..at least I have a reason not to live to this stage here. But then, as time pass by, i realise my heart becoming weaker, then i started to practice qi gong. I back off from all my family members. I only wanna go back to Segamat. I miss him so badly. That i drove to his house, and watched his car for half and hour. & go to temply every week, to pray and ask if our relationship will work if i just give him another chance.
First week, it said, not compatible, leave the relationship. I was stunt , dunno to be happy with my decision or cry badly that its goign to end.work as usual..How can I work if all of them are his friends.. Its so difficult for me to get up.
2nd week, it said, i'm into drinks , & alchohols to forget my past. if there's fate, we will be together again. Its not good , to go into it right now..
Well,, up to a certain point, I really don't know what is fate. I was thinking i miss him... & need him. I love him. Up to one day, i realise that I can do things differently, i had the wrong steps, & it was horrible. Hope to get things right again.and see how this goes...
We went for BBQ then clubbing that night. Things happen like never before. Love is in the air..
Crazy....night..unbelieveable night.. speechless.. He asked me not to speak.. Let us work out this together again.. dun put pressure into this.. ya
Eventually, we started to talk things out, he admit that we haven't got our own time for some time. and I admit that when i was mentally tired, i really can't be force... I need him to calm me down. He understood that now... & I'm not that lenient on things anymore. & eventually, stop discussing my relationship with my sisters, because i think that i'm in this, nobody will understand better than me. Just wanna reassure tthem, that im fine... of course, mum and sis saw me broke down..so badly.. which is a totally mess. I hope things will get better for everyone. Love everyone... Night.
He is in Hong Kong now, I felt the feeling that he had. I understand how he misses me...now..
posted by Lunar Glow Selina at
6:30 AM
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